My Journey

by Robbie Becker (Shared at Night of Worship, July 2011)

For many people the words salvation and Lordship are used simultaneously. For me the journey from salvation to Lordship was a long and windy road.

When I was a young girl I accepted Jesus as Savior and I never questioned the validity of this decision.

I was brought up in small, legalistic Baptist churches that seemed to emphasize their view of external sins, such as, girls cannot wear jeans, no one can wear a bathing suit, no one can attend a school dance…etc. My mother seems to be an even stronger rule “enforcer” than the church. I never heard about the love of Christ, and words like worship, praise, and joy were not mentioned. As an additional negative to my spiritual journal, my earthly father died before I was two, and then I had an abusive stepfather by the time I was four. Thus the concept of a loving heavenly Father was not something I could embrace.

At the age of 18, I longed for fun and some freedom, so I married a 19-year-old non-believer who was in the Navy and we moved 3,000 miles away. It was fun for awhile. However, as the 19-year-old became a young man, his fun developed into alcohol, drugs, gambling, and other women. During his different life choices, three precious little girls were birthed.

I still went to church and brought the girls with me, but I kept myself in the background. Life was not fun, nor was I. Instead, dysfunction, shame, lack of self-worth, and depression hovered over me. One Saturday morning when the girls were in grades three, four, and six, my husband announced he was leaving. He made it clear he would never pay support and he never did. He was the original “deadbeat dad.”

Knowing what I now know, I should have rejoiced and praised God. However, I believed that I only to have two roles in life—wife and mother.  The “unpardonable sin” of my day was divorce. Ministries such as Biblical Counseling or Divorce Recovery were unheard of. And the grace of God—what was that?

My three dear girls lived under my negative shadow during their junior and senior high school years. We stayed in a church that for the most part still embraced external behavior versus the heart of Christianity.

After my youngest graduated from high school, I went through a period of being angry with God and rarely attended any church. Though I walked away, I now know that God never did.

A few years before the blessing of grandchildren and second chances, I returned to Christ and a Bible-based church that taught and extended the love of Jesus. With grandchildren, God granted me His grace to begin spreading the “Lois Legacy” of faith (2 Tim. 1:5). My four grand “ones” and I have walked joyfully together sharing my faith covered with fun and adventure. My grandchildren have even written stories about me that are so beautiful and positive. After reading one of these essays, my youngest daughter commented; “how sad, that when we were young, my sisters and I never knew this person that our children do.”

As I mentioned initially, my journey from salvation to Lordship was long and windy. Perhaps Robbie’s version of Psalm 40:1 and 3 (NIV) can put it into perspective: “I waited impatiently for the Lord, and He heard my cry from the dark and dank pit where I had resided for years. When I was ready, Jesus lifted me out of the muck and mire.” At this point in life, I am aware that Jesus sat with me through those many years but did not, and would not force me to leave that pit. He waited with me until I was ready to leave. Then He sat me on the rock I call Lordship and put a new song in my mouth.

You may think my life has been a “skip in the park” since this time. But no, there are times the road is still windy as the Holy Spirit and I continue to deal with the hurts and darkness of my past. Yet, the journey has been worth it as I know with absolute assurance that Jesus remains Lord over all.